Sunday, October 7, 2018

Hey you with the penis.


Hey you with the penis.

It is so very nice to hear your thoughts and comments about the Me Too movement on social media! Yes we still have mutual friends after all of these years. Yes it has been a long time. It seems just like yesterday that you were forcing your penis in my mouth. I think I was a sophomore in high school. I see you have a daughter. How old is she now?

Back in the 80's I did own a mini skirt and fishnets. BINGO that totally gave you the right to put your dick in my mouth! I did say no. I did say stop. It doesn't matter if I kissed you. It doesn't matter if I had been intimate with you in the past. I said no. I said stop. Mini skirt or not you heard me say no and you heard me say stop. You should have stopped. I bit you. It hurt. This is where the story should have ended but it gets a little more messed up.

I really have no idea what you thought you were doing but you turned yourself into some kind of victim. You went and told a bunch of girls about me going crazy and biting your dick, you left out some really important information. One girl from school tried to run me over with her car! You shove your dick in my mouth and you become a victim. Poor you! Thanks Buddy.

WHY women didn't expose the rapist? Oh a myriad of reasons I suppose. We can touch on that another day.

Love and Light!
Agoraphobia Gurl

Thursday, July 30, 2015

If you set it free…the answers will follow.

If you set it free…the answers will follow.

Greetings!
I have been wrestling and wrestling with this insurance problem and I think we are coming to a close, a resolution.

“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.” –Richard Bach

It is a gift to receive such concern and compassion. Tammy S. and Steve S. your generosity during this has really left me speechless-Thank You!

For my friends and family who were diligently working to find me answers. Thank you Mom and Tammy W.

To my pharmacy friend-Theresa. Whatever you do, you do well and you shine! Thank you-I guess I should have ultimately known the resolution was going to be found within you.

“A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed, it feels an impulsion....this is the place to go now.
But the sky knows the reason and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.”-Richard Bach

I was getting lost within the clouds. I felt as if I was drowning. I could not pull myself up high enough to see beyond the horizon-thanks to everyone who helped me find my way.

I held all of this in, well aside from a select few. My boy was starting to wonder if I infact was going to die...and I put it out into the universe and the answers started to come and the pieces started to fall into place.

If you set it free…the answers will follow.

Resources
Wisconsin SHIP 1-888-242-1060 http:/ www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/aging/EBS.ship.htm

State Medicaid Office - Wisconsin Department of Health Services 1-800-362-3002 http://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov

State Pharmacy Assistance Program - Wisconsin SeniorCare 1-800-657-2038 http://www.dhs.wisconsn,gov/seniorcare/

People with limited incomes may qualify for extra help to pay for their prescription drug costs. If you qualify, Medicare could pay for 75% or more of your drug costs including monthly prescription drug premiums, annual deductibles, and co-insurance. Additionally, those who qualify won’t have a coverage gap or a late enrollment penalty. Many people qualify for these savings and don't even know it. Social Security number 1-800-772-1213 or www. socialsecurity.gov/prescriptionhelp.

Saint Joseph’s Medical Clinic http://www.sjmdc.net/

Waukesha Community Health Center 309 E North St Waukesha, WI 53188

Sometimes people need help.


 “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.”-Richard Bach

Love and Light-
Agoraphobia Gurl





Reference

Quotations from The Messiah's Handbook
"Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
in
"Illusions - The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah"
by Richard Bach - 1977


Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Update

Greetings!
It has been awhile, probably too long.  I pondered whether or not to continue on this journey after a recent incident.  So as “out” and “proud” my crazy ass is I guess I need to reign it in some. I need to go back to changing names and identies….it is all really kind of bullshit but that is not what is important.
So who am I? During this journey I have come to the realization that the basic onset of my anxiety issue and agoraphobia is a traumatic brain injury.  You know, that is really nothing to be ashamed of. When I was busy working, and juggling my young son I took a massive tumble and my head needed stapling shut-however no one ever did a CAT or an MRI at the time. My blood sugar was only 30 when they revived me, this is nothing to be ashamed of. As I piece this together now I can clearly see the anxiety building and growing after this TBI. Little pieces of emotional or physical trauma continue over the years…no wonder why I am broken.
Trauma has a vast variety of changes and breaks that happens in an individual-injury, death, many things play into the picture.  One of my colleagues was in a car accident when we were maybe 12, I think that is where her break began, between further trauma of physical abuse and loss she crumbled further.
I speak to others experiencing anxiety and agoraphobia and the theme is pretty consistent. So why did it take me to diagnose myself? Was I not listening somewhere along the line?
All I know for certain is I have done nothing but try to better myself and try to help others with sharing my story…
As of the first of the month for some reason or another I have lost my insurance. Given my health issues and my income, no insurance leads to a death sentence-truly. I am not being a drama queen. Please please please-don’t try and start blaming Obamacare. If a politician is to blame I live in Wisconsin and the blame starts here, but I don’t want this to be a political thing. How about just a human thing.
Before I got sick I worked my ass off. I was a salaried employee working OT like crazy, wiping asses, getting pulled around by my hair, teaching people how to ride a bus, teaching ADL’s-I loved working! I had the most rewarding job ever! Well, being a Mom is way better but I am talking paid positions. I had to work holidays. I had to work weekends, and I would do ANYTHING to get that back.
Now with my limited abilities I go to school fulltime on line, and help people as much as I can. I am however pretty limited. You can’t look at me and see a disability…often times people don’t realize that a disability isn’t always something you can see. My body and my brain really work for crap, but I try. Each and every day I try.
Is this my swan song? I am not sure. I am not sure what will happen. I know I have been making phone calls. I know I have been seeking help. I know I am getting nowhere. What’s next…not sure. Can a diabetic live without insulin? Right-so do I construct my bucket list? Do I preform in the Destiny Lee 6 Rival? Hell yeah-going out fighting….keep on keeping on!
Love and Light,
 Agoraphobia Gurl


Sunday, June 21, 2015

Anxiety and taking a trip down memory lane…. Part 2

Anxiety and taking a trip down memory lane….
Part 2

Greetings,

I feel obligated to share the outcome of my trip down memory lane, I really just want to crawl in bed but I have these moments where I know I should say something and they slip away…and I just can’t let this slip away.
1.       Mean girls-they stay mean girls!
2.       I never got that chance to make amends to that other blonde.
3.       Pete-he is still Pete. He has beautiful children and a lovely wife. I am happy for him.

I was kind of hoping for a different outcome on the Pete thing. Like I have had those moments. We went to school with these Italian boys, Tony and Tom. For the longest time Tony and I…I just don’t know. I don’t know what happened. Why we started fighting. Hell-I know he thought I was cute around 7th grade-and they were hot Italian boys! In our early 20’s we happened to work together at the Chancery. I was pissed they hired him. As I worked next to him, occasionally giving him the stink eye, I was trying to figure out WHY we didn’t like each other. What the heck happened? Finally one day, I asked him. Do you know why we don’t like each other? He didn’t know either. Well, if you can’t remember why you don’t like someone it is obviously time to move on and let it go. We did. We have lost touch, but after reacquainting, we partied, we laughed, I even have pictures-somewhere. I guess I was hoping for something closer to those lines than what I got. However me and Pete were never friends, and honestly-I don’t think we were meant to be. I am sorry would have been nice. I can’t believe I wasted vomit on this man!

So I went. I made it! I drank way too much. However we shall save the self-medication discussion for another day. I lived. I got to meet Dawns sister-way cool. Wish I would have made it to see the bro. I got to meet a bunch of really eclectic and wonderful people. I got to see people I have not seen in years. I got to live. Yesterday I did not let anxiety win. I won.

Love and Light-
Agoraphobia Gurl



Saturday, June 20, 2015

Anxiety and taking a trip down memory lane….

Anxiety and taking a trip down memory lane….
Part 1


Greetings,
 
Who knew-after all of these years Pete Whetstone (not his real name) could still make me throw up, make me want to “cut class” or in this case the graduation party. I think my ownership of HIM should be stronger. I have in fact kicked his ass. I ripped his shirt while pummeling him into a locker, so why am I throwing up? Probably he should be throwing up in fear of my all mighty kickasstitude. He was a bully. He was mean to me, he was cruel and tormented me. I kicked his as three times-so maybe he was not the smartest fellow. Like don’t fuck with the dog if you know you are going to get bit. Yes I am the one throwing up.
So I am watching the clock in sweet anticipation. I want to do this for my friend. I want to show up at her sons graduation because she is important to me. I want to support her. I let anxiety win at her daughters graduation. I am not going to let anxiety win this time. I need hope. Literally I need HOPE. I am doing this out of respect for Hope. You people have to wonder what drugs I am on some times as I talk in such cryptic coding. Hell-I know what I am talking about. Speaking of cryptic coding if anyone figures out the reference to Whetstone-who he really is, and why I used Whetstone….drinks are on me!
That blonde, you know the one. The one that is not me. You know, the hot one. You know the one every guy fell head over heels for, maybe-just maybe I will get to see her too. I don’t dislike her. She is not particularly fond of me-long story. Partially my fault and I sure as hell can own that. Maybe if I see her I can try and make amends.
Why does Dawn have to be so damn popular? She is so social. She still talks to like everyone. People randomly show up at her door…and she is cool with that. My circle is much smaller, and I hate it being invaded.
I was talking to Dean and he said he felt a little apprehensive when we had to go to a similar function with his friends from school and to remember we are all adults now. That is in part true, many of us are adults now but not always the case. Sometimes the “means girls” grow up and are still the “mean girls”.
So can I do it….I think I can. I think I can. I think I can!
If not…I can always kick Whetstone’s ass-yet again. (Really I would not do that out of respect for my friend and her boys special day). I am just being silly.
I will let you know how it goes.
Just remember if you don’t push outside of your comfort zone-you will miss out on a lot of things. You will miss out on life.
I think I can!
Wish me luck!
Love and Light-

Agoraphobia Gurl

Monday, May 25, 2015

Thought for the day....(maybe two)

Greetings,

Memorial Day is here, many people have been enjoying a long weekend with camping and BBQ’s. However it is important to remember what this day is really about. Memorial Day is to honor and remember those who have died in military service. Make sure you take a moment to think about and thank those who have served our country. It is a time to honor the men and women who died in all wars.
I was not in the fun and frolic mode but I must share something I found to be inspirational. While attending a Memorial Service I had the opportunity to witness something you just don’t see every day. At least you generally don’t see it in my world. At this Memorial Service I saw this wonderful man supporting his ex-wife. She had lost her Father, and being an only child this wonderful man Larry came in support of her. He sat next to her in the front row. She was safely nestled between Larry and her son. Certainly Larry came because he loved Wayne. Certainly he came in support of Travis, but he was supporting his ex-wife. It was really a thing of beauty. As it is not in just these moments that he shows up in support of her, he will pick up her medication for her at the pharmacy, he will take her out for lunch-and they did not even have a child together. (I must say he certainly did many years of parenting). Most people can’t even co-parent together without drama. This couple maintains some kind of friendship, some kind of special bond that we could all learn from. I found it to be very inspiring!

“It is rare, it seems, that couples are able to hold onto a friendship and remain close while still moving on after the divorce. I am always impressed when I see couples who manage to stay friends, as it takes strength in character and an understanding of the bigger picture to rise above the hurt”(Meyers, 2011). I saw strength and character and it was a thing of beauty. Every couple has their own relationship dance. All you have to do is change your part in the dance.


Life is sticky and messy sometimes all we can do is try … attempt to make the best out of what time we have here on earth with the people we love.


Love and Light
Agoraphobia Gurl



Reference
Meyers PsyD, Seth (2011). Stay Friends after Divorce: Why, Coping, & Moving On
Avoiding friendship with your ex is often about denial. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201106/stay-friends-after-divorce-why-coping-moving


Saturday, May 16, 2015

Father-Husband-Friend-Healer

Father-Husband-Friend-Healer-Sponsor-Coach-Neighbor-Mentor
Daddy-Grandpa…it always comes back to Daddy!

     A man with an amazing smile, bright blue eyes, and red hair. A man who could make you smile. A man who could make you feel like everything would be ok. A man who loved to garden and hot damn that man could cook. He made the most amazing shrimp creole! He endured hours of badge work, dancing and doing all kinds of crazy things with us girls. A man who took pride in his appearance. A man who took pride in all aspects of his life. It was very apparent early on his greatest pride and joy was his daughter Tamara. I think-actually I am pretty secure in knowing that he would say his greatest accomplishment was Tamara. Fast forward MANY years-welcome the little heart stealer Travis. He would be the next greatest joy and biggest accomplishment- that Grandparent thing takes things to a whole new level!

    Wayne and Judy met at Schultz Brothers-and the rest was history! They married at Saint Mary’s Church, and had a beautiful little girl named Tamara who they gave every ounce of love they had. Tammy and I met at Hadfield Elementary School on the first day of kindergarten in Mrs. Peterson’s class, for many years we became inseparable. We shared many firsts. We shared love and laughter. As time often does, we had ebbs and flows but she is my first best friend and I love her with all my heart. However this isn’t about me and Tammy.

The Sobye’s-we spent many hours sitting on that front stoop so I got to observe a thing or two. Tinsel is put on the Christmas tree in individual strands, you brew tea in the sun, and raw potatoes are in fact edible. Love is unconditional. Christmas Carols are a must. Family is sacred. Frozen Reese’s Peanut butter eggs are AWESOME! Don’t piss off an Italian. It was a house of love. I had my own little house of love in which Mrs. Sobye would occasionally grace us with her presence and Mom and Judy would sit on the swing on the front porch and laugh. Tammy and I would make crazy cupcakes and little pizzas. Good times with good friends create great memories. My Dad and Judy would get a little crazy too!

My son often says his relationship role models are my parents, because they have what a relationship is supposed to have. I am glad that my son has that. I am glad that he sees that. That is what the Sobye’s had too. They were a strong couple, best of friends, and were together till Judy took her last breath. Love is unconditional. Family is sacred.

Wayne grieved and found the ability to smile and love life again, not only from the love and support of family and friends but from his beloved Fred. I remember the day I met Fred. It was in a Super America, I had not seen “my Mister” in a very long time and I saw him and I started to sob-just sob! I introduced him to my son and Mr. Sobye gave me that award winning smile and a big hug. I was a spectacle! I created a spectacle-and Fred still lets me in the house! You fellas traveled, dined, and enjoyed life. You shared laughter. I am grateful to you.

Wayne passed away peacefully on Sunday, May 10, 2015, at the age of 73 years. Loving father of Tamara and proud grandfather of Travis. Very special friend of Fred. Survived by sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, other relatives and friends.

    
Travis referred to his Grandparents as his best friends and that is truly a testament to GREATNESS! When a teenager or young adult still carves out that time and desires to spend that time, because it is so precious with the parents or Grandparents-something was done right!

A house of love built on a firm foundation.

 My Dearest Mr. Sobye-I am sorry I couldn’t get those chocolate chip cookies to you in time. One last I love you till we meet again. You will be missed. You are already missed. You have touched the lives of many. You have made a difference in this world by making it a better place. I am so honored to have known you. I will try and keep an eye on Tammy and remind her she is loved and treasured. I will remind her the importance of Christmas carols, skin care, and to brew her tea in the sun. I will remind her she is not alone. I will remind her it is ok to grieve in any manner she needs to and I will try to help her pick up the pieces when the time comes. Love is unconditional and family is sacred.

A Memorial Visitation will be held on Friday, May 22, from 4:00 PM until the time of a celebration of his life at 6:00 PM at CHURCH AND CHAPEL FUNERAL HOME, 380 Bluemound Rd. (corner of Hwy. J and JJ, south of I-94), Waukesha.

Dance in the heavens-laugh with Judy, Sally, and those you love!

Love and Light-
Agoraphobia Gurl-Laura