Greetings~
November is upon us and the year is flying by. I have not
ever done this before but I am going to do a reprise of what I posted last year
on November 6th. More or less…
A word
on forgiveness and letting go.
Once
upon a time I was married to John, it wasn't always easy, but it wasn't always
so bad. We had a lot of good times. We went on road trips, camping, concerts,
we laughed. His friends called him Bird Man because his laughter was like a
cackling bird (and he loved eagles).
He
died in November, November 6th to be exact, when my son was 5 (he is officially
18-I hate this). I have just been sitting here listening to some music from
concerts we attended before Michael was born, or songs he would sing to me as
we were driving around. Holidays are hard without him, he brought joy to the
holidays. I wish Michael knew that. I wish Michael knew him when he was well. I
wish Michael knew him outside of that hospital bed. I wish John were here
watching him grow up, teaching him about being a man. John should be the one
teaching him how to drive. I still get very angry at this God who takes away
Daddy's and babies that just didn't get enough time.
I
guess I should get to the point.... " To have and to hold, from
this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or
in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And here to I pledge
you my faithfulness." That means something, do whatever it takes to make
it work. If you can't make it work at least learn to be kind, and learn
forgiveness. So many people spend so much time being bitter and being angry at
their ex. Let me tell you, it isn't worth it. For as much as that man pissed me
off, I miss him and wish he were here being Michael's Dad. If you don't have
kids you can just walk away, but if you do have kids you need to learn
forgiveness, as long as that child is alive that person you created him or her
with is going to be a part of YOUR life. Learn how to deal with it. It is a
process, it is painful, but you are forever intertwined. You will have
confirmations, communions, graduations from high school, college, your child or
children, whatever the case may be, might just get married (and you might
actually have to dance with your ex), you might become Grandparents...you are
forever intertwined (think before you breed-this is a long term commitment).
You need to learn to let go of that anger and that pain. I would do just about
anything to have Michael's Daddy here with him. Just because we didn't make it
as a couple doesn't mean he doesn't hold a special place in my heart...forever
in my heart.
Make
each day count and treasure every moment.
Dear John
Written
by Tommy Shaw
Dear
John I knew you
About
as well as anyone
We
were the wild ones
So
sure those days would never end
Now
they're only memories my friend
Dear
John I'll see you
Some
day again
I
swear I saw you
On a
crowded street today
I
almost called your name
Thinking
of all those yesterdays
Heaven
help me
How I
miss my friend
Dear
John I'll see you
Some
day again
There'll
be a celebration
When
all will be revealed
We'll
have a reunion
High
on a hill
Dear
John how are you
God
know it's heaven where you are
Find
some peace there
May it
never end
Dear
John my heart knows
We'll
meet again
Dear
John I'll see you...
Some
day again
Fly with The Eagles!
“Because
death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you.”
―Ally Carter, Out of Sight, Out of Mind
See-I
can’t really add much to that. Every year on the special days or on the horrible
days (like the 6th- ) I wish he were here. I wish my son knew him.
Ironically today I ran into one of his old co workers and he didn't recognize
me (time flies I guess) he asked me if I was “related” to John’s Mom-and I said
“No-I am Laura I was just married to John”. I guess that might not be a very
good example of letting go, however I got to share this moment with a guy who
was once John’s “enemy”, they became “frenemies” co-workers, and dare I say friends. He called
him a good guy. I agreed. In the big picture letting go of hate and anger is so
important because in the grand scheme of things it is mostly bullshit that got
you to that place of hate.
“I am always saddened
by the death of a good person. It is from this sadness that a feeling of
gratitude emerges. I feel honored to have known them and blessed that their
passing serves as a reminder to me that my time on this beautiful earth is
limited and that I should seize the opportunity I have to forgive, share,
explore, and love. I can think of no greater way to honor the deceased than to
live this way.” ― Steve Maraboli
You
got one shot in this world, and no one lives forever. We always think time is
infinite and we have forever, and forever can be gone in a blink of an eye. Nothing
is more important than the people we love. Make sure you create time and carve
out time because some day you will not have that opportunity, some day you will
blink and it will be gone.
Grief
is everywhere, it is a part of life. Loss is a part of life. If you know someone
who seems alone and hurting-reach out. I am blessed with a huge loving family
and wonderful friends but not everyone has that.
I share
this “horrible day” with one of my girl friends that I have known since I was
5. She lost her Mom on the 6th too-what are the chances….her Mom was
an amazing woman who loved her family, she was funny, she was passionate and I
am so lucky to have known her and lucky to be loved by her too! I am here for
you today too my Oldest and Dearest friend-for every moment I have breathe left in my body, you will
never be alone and you will always be loved. Your Mom is with you-she is your Guardian
Angel (you have some really bad ass Guardian Angels if you think about it). She
is proud of you every day and in every way-she always has been.
Love
and Light-
Agoraphobia
Gurl
“But she wasn’t around, and that’s the thing when your parents
die, you feel like instead of going in to every fight with backup, you are
going into every fight alone.”
― Mitch Albom, For One More Day
