Ebbs and flows

Greetings,

The beginning of a new week, maybe the start of something new. I managed to go out Saturday and Sunday this weekend at least for a little while on Sunday. Sunday we went to Denny's, my son really just wanted to eat at McDonald's and perhaps that is what we should have done. We have established that Denny's is in my comfort zone, but man how do you jack up a hamburger like that? I ordered a patty melt, which I often do, and it comes slathered in what they are calling "El fresco" sauce, which is thousand island and ketchup. Which never in my 44 year of life have I been served a patty melt with El fresco sauce on it, not even last week at the very same Denny's. Naturally the server and the manager have to argue with me and tell me every other time I have had a patty melt at Denny's(again same friggen Denny's) it has been made incorrectly. I don't want to order a new one as it took at least a half an hour to get the first one. I march up to the manager saying okay we need to do something about this, she starts with giving me 4.00 off my 8.00 hamburger that I won't eat because it tastes like ass...the moral of the story, I went and handled it. I did end up getting more taken off the bill, but I left Denny's hungry and kind of pissed. So I had two outing this weekend where I was relatively fine, on Friday I was babysitting, in my living room I had a panic attack. I started worrying about what if my blood sugar got low. Which has happened before, not with this baby, but with other babies, the normal protocol is I get my son or Dean and drink some juice. Generally speaking I don't usually need either of the guys it is just a safety measure until my blood sugar raises back up. Lily is just old enough to get it at this point. I say I need a juice break and we are good to go. It was just weird, I started having an anxiety attack for no reason. If I would have gotten low everything would have been fine. Nothing would have happened to the baby. So two good days out and one freak out at home, the ebbs and flows of anxiety and agoraphobia.

"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.”

Bruce Barton Anxiety is often driven by anticipation. Try not to indulge thoughts about what could happen. Allow your thoughts to focus on what you are doing now or where you are now. Stay out of the past and out of the future. If you "stay in the now," your anxiety level will come down. If you are anticipating upset, planning your escape, checking your watch or thinking about past "failures," your anxiety level will go up. Focus on your immediate surroundings to help you stay in the present, (e.g., colors, textures, the details of a conversation, etc.). Tell yourself: "Stay in the here-and-now." "Keep your feet on the floor." "Keep your mind where your body is." "What am I doing now? What do I need to do now?" "I'll deal with that when the time comes." I am the QUEEN of anticipation, I can anticipate myself into a demonic roller coaster ride in like 2 minutes. Just remember to BREATH and try and push forward. Keep pushing yourself in a positive direction, for me it is out the door. The more I walk out the door the closer to free I become. Don't get me wrong, my program is far from perfect. I might be able to go to Denny's but I still can't walk around my block by myself. One day at a time, one step at a time. Just keep trying.   Love and Light.