The only way to do great work is to love what you do. –Steve Jobs

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. –Steve Jobs

 

Greetings,

It is the weekend and downtown Waukesha is bustling with activity. Last night we had fireworks-yes in January and today we have ice sculptures, activities at the Retzer Nature Center, dog sledding-all kinds of family fun!

I was thinking about dropping in over at the church because they are having a blood drive, and I realized I am still perhaps a little “broken” for that. My veins still look like I am a junkie and frankly some of them are a little sore still. I should have called the Doctor to see if I could participate, so I think I should pass this time.

I would like to be out in the hustle and bustle, well the idea is always appealing, as to if I actually get my booty out the door that is another story all together. Really today is not an option, I am pretty sure tomorrow is not an option either. Accounting is dominating my life-the thing of it is I have no interest in accounting. Steve Jobs once said, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Well, I don’t love this and it certainly shows in my work. I have no problem with hard work but my life is becoming dominated by useless work. I mean I realize we need accountants, but I am not going to be one of them. I have the math aptitude of a pin. I have spoken to a business owner , a banker, and someone in accounts payable/receivable…and it would appear that no one understands my accounting class.

In my prior posting I was talking about making some changes, I think this is one of those changes I really need to look at. I am getting a lot of joy out of school, I have enjoyed computer literacy, psychology(which we have not been focusing on enough) I love creative writing and literature classes-huge shocker. I wanted to set a good example for my son. I wanted to show my Dad I could do this (lame-don’t ask…my issue not his) I wanted to help people and do something useful.  I feel like I am mainly just accruing a huge debt, well no doubt about it I am accruing a huge debt, can I get extra credit in accounting as I just used accruing in a sentence?

“The difference between a path and a road is not only the obvious one. A path is little more than a habit that comes with knowledge of a place. It is a sort of ritual of familiarity. As a form, it is a form of contact with a known landscape. It is not destructive. It is the perfect adaptation, through experience and familiarity, of movement to place; it obeys the natural contours; such obstacles as it meets it goes around.” ― Wendell Berry (2003)  The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

Sick of questioning my reality…

You enjoy your weekend. Make sure you get some DO YOU time!

Love and Light!

 

 

Reference

Wendell Berry (2003)  The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays Counterpoint

 

Embrace The Imperfections

Greetings,

Perfection is boring! One of the joys of being human is being able to reflect and learn from your mistakes. We can also find joy and appreciation in our differences. We can embrace ourselves for our subtle “flaws” that society may deem as an imperfection. I love the silver in my hair, and when it turns fully I am going to have a beautiful arctic snow mane! Each line on my face was laughter and smiles once, and I plan to continue to laugh and smile! No Botox for this girl, however I won’t judge if that is your thing, it is just not MY thing.  Stretch marks, I earned those. The ultimate badge of honor in womanhood. I carried a human being inside of me. I am proud of those stretch marks. Those symbolize my child. I am even learning to love my saggy boobs, this one took me awhile to come to terms with. I miss my pre baby boobs, the ones that were perky and awesome, now all too familiar with gravity, but they are mine. They created milk and nourishment. Embrace the imperfections!

Maybe we need to be more concerned with the imperfections on our insides, ones that might be more characterized as character flaws perhaps. I need to work on patience, I need to work on my temper, I need to work on a lot of thing (so says the Agoraphobia Gurl). These imperfections can leave life in peril. Maybe if we learn to be kinder to ourselves ( and others) on the outside, things will fall into a better place on the inside.

“We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each snowflake takes the perfect form for the maximum efficiency and effectiveness for its journey. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take their own path. They are on the same journey, but each takes a different path.
Along this gravity-driven journey, some snowflakes collide and damage each other, some collide and join together, some are influenced by wind... there are so many transitions and changes that take place along the journey of the snowflake. But, no matter what the transition, the snowflake always finds itself perfectly shaped for its journey.
I find parallels in nature to be a beautiful reflection of grand orchestration. One of these parallels is of snowflakes and us. We, too, are all headed in the same direction. We are being driven by a universal force to the same destination. We are all individuals taking different journeys and along our journey, we sometimes bump into each other, we cross paths, we become altered... we take different physical forms. But at all times we too are 100% perfectly imperfect. At every given moment we are absolutely perfect for what is required for our journey. I’m not perfect for your journey and you’re not perfect for my journey, but I’m perfect for my journey and you’re perfect for your journey. We’re heading to the same place, we’re taking different routes, but we’re both exactly perfect the way we are.” (Maraboli, 2009) just a little something to think about.

When I started this blog, I was so private and hush hush about it with the people that I knew. My intent was to try and do something positive with my messed up situation, suffering from severe anxiety and agoraphobia (among other things that make me special) I guess it is important to step back and take inventory of where I am and what I am doing. I have been getting out some, not like I should be, but after the hospital situation I think that is to be expected. Today I went to the library, the store, and Denny’s. Yes I love me some Denny’s. So I am following the steps I am supposed to be following. Instead of dreading events, I am learning to manage them a little more. My cousin is getting married in May and I am really looking forward to it. I know some of it will be a challenge (walking into a Catholic church with a bunch of people I don’t know-difficult), going to a place I have never been before-difficult, but I am going to do it! I saw him, brand new in the hospital and I am going to see him marry his beautiful bride! With practice, love can give you the strength and determination you need, the courage to make things happen. Don’t give up!

 

Love and Light!

 

Reference

Maraboli, Steve (2009) Life, The Truth, and Being Free A Better Today Publishing

More on Mitch

Greetings,

Ironically I was flipping channels and Mitch Albom was on Katie Couric today, my little snuggle monkey was sleeping on my chest, so it was meant to be…

If you were graced with that phone call from heaven(or the afterlife, which ever floats your boat)  who  would you want it to be? For many years my answer would have been my Grandpa Stefl. Actually he is who I expect to be waiting for me when I pass. For one moment I will be that little girl and he will be that be strong man that he was before he had his stroke and he will swoop me up in his arms and hold me. I will smile and giggle and give a million kisses in that moment, where I get to be that little girl with her Grandpa. That is my idea of heaven. That phone call however, I would want it to be from John (my sons Dad). I would “give” the call to  my son if I could. I would want to talk to him too if I could, but like I said if it were one or the other, if only one of us got the phone call I would give it to my son in a heartbeat.

 I have moments, many moments where I talk to him, unfortunately it is pretty  one sided.   I would like his insight, I would like to see how he thinks I am doing with our boy. I wish he could offer words of encouragement to our son…but this isn’t reality. Just one of those Mitch Albom books that I love to ponder. Who would your phone call be from? If you had one more chance, one more opportunity to speak to someone who has passed, it is really hard to narrow it down. As per usual I started to get light headed and all jittery as I was typing and I thought I am getting a message…no, no message just low blood sugar.

“On the day the world received its first phone call from heaven, Tess Rafferty was unwrapping a box of tea bags.

Drrrnnn!

She ignored the ring and dug her nails into the plastic.

Drrrnnn!

She clawed her forefinger through the bumpy part on the side.

Drrrnnn!

Finally, she made a rip, then peeled off the wrapping and scrunched it in her palm. She knew the phone would go the answering machine if she didn't grab it before one more -

Drrrnnn -

"Hello?"

Too late.

"Ach, this thing," she mumbled. She heard the machine click on her kitchen counter as it played her outgoing message.

"Hi, it's Tess. Leave your name and number. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, thanks."

A small beep sounded. Tess heard static. And then.

"It's Mom...I need to tell you something."

Tess stopped breathing. The receiver fell from her fingers.

Her mother died four years ago.” (Albom, 2013).

Tuesday’s with Morrie is probably my favorite Mitch Albom book, when Katie asked him in his interview WHO he would like to hear from in heaven, he said Morrie. Morrie’s story was told after he passed. A little part of Mitch would like to know what Morrie thinks about all of that. Someday I am sure he will find out, just not yet.

With what are you feeding your soul? It does not have to be a book  about phone calls from the afterlife, it does not have to be a book at all, just make sure you are feeding your soul.

“Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it.... So we kid ourselves about death.... But there's a better approach. To know you're going to dies, and to be prepared for it at any time....Do what the Buddhists do...ask, Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?” (Albom, 1997)

Love and Light!

 

 

Reference

Albom, Mitch (2013) The First Phone Call From Heaven Harper Collins
Albom, Mitch (1997) Tuesdays With Morrie Random House

 

Do You!

Happy New Year!


With the holidays passed and the New Year upon us this has been a great time of reflection for many of us. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I know I need to make some changes, nothing like a hospital visit to put things into perspective. I have a hard enough time as it is simply leaving the house, so an overnight, or two at the hospital is just about unbearable, especially being away from my son.
The people in support of me were kind of mind blowing, people I just know from attending college online, people I worked with in the past, and of course my family, really the online perspective was kind of amazing...even a supportive ex boyfriend. I also ponder those who said nothing, did nothing, asked no questions and are my "friends", it really makes you look at things. A bit of a wake up call or a reality check of sorts. That gentle fuck you we have all given and received I suppose. Heck, I  received a supportive message from an old friend who gave me a gentle fuck off awhile back, we are like the perfect divorced couple. We get along great for the sake of her kids and I appreciate your concern so much. I guess some bonds are unbreakable. I want to thank those of you for your concern and compassion. I want to thank you for offering to pick up groceries for me after the fact! Thank you my amazing friends and family!
I met a lot of interesting people while in the hospital,  but this gentleman named Eddie sticks out in my head in a particular fashion. Eddie brought joy and hope with him when he walked into the room. Eddie is a phlebotomist at Waukesha Memorial. A gentle soul with a contagious smile and a beautiful singing voice. He was singing Amazing Grace when he walked into my room for the first time. Eddie just made you feel better, which I don't think many phlebotomists get that, when he came to visit. I feel like he IS a story, like a great story that Mitch Albom writes. I know he already has a story about an Eddie, but this Eddie deserves his own. I had to go up to the hospital for lab work following my release(it really was my release-I released myself) and I asked the phlebotomist who was working if she knew Eddie, a big smile came to her face. Of course she new Eddie (and his songs) she actually went to see if he was in for me so I could say hi, sadly he didn't start for another three hours. Everyone loves Eddie is what she told me, I believe it. He brings joy!
"“Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. an alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out"-Mitch Albom. Eddie reminded me not to be afraid. Eddie reminded me to have hope. Thank you Eddie.
I have so many things to say but I think I am going to close with one little thought. DO YOU! Take care of YOU! Take care of your mind, body, and soul each and every day!
Love and Light!


“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”
― Mitch Albom