Sunny Saturday~Feeling kinda Zen

Greetings!


Self-fulfilling prophecies~ideas that become reality simply because someone believes them.
What is the definition of a self-fulfilling prophesy? Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events or people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that causes those expectations to be fulfilled. Am I my own curse? Can I break my own curse?


"You look at where you're going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you've been and a pattern seems to emerge. And if you project forward from that pattern, then sometimes you can come up with something."-Robert Pirsig.
Compassion is the very essence of a spiritual life, and the main practice of those who have devoted their lives to attaining enlightenment. Are we being compassionate beings? Am I being a compassionate being? After all this is my personal journey in which I share with you. Perhaps you know your compassion and know your happiness. I try to be compassionate. I try to be a good person. This (again) was not the intended post of the day, but after great thought this is where I am. This is where my path has brought me in this moment.


"You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt."-Robert Pirsig


I feel as if I am having some Zen Richard Bach/Robert Pirsig moment with out the eloquence or the pay check. However I doubt that either thought much about the pay check.


"It is time we sought happiness from a different source. Happiness is a state of mind, so the real source of happiness must lie within the mind, not in external conditions. If our mind is pure and peaceful we shall be happy, regardless of our external circumstances, but if it is impure and un-peaceful we can never be truly happy, no matter how hard we try to change our external conditions. We could change our home or our partner countless times, but until we change our restless, discontented mind we shall never find true happiness." (http://kadampa.org/en/buddhism/venerable-geshe-kelsang-gyatso/, N/A)


Today I seek peace.
Today I seek happiness.
Today I will set my worries free-if only for today.
Today I will let go.
Today I will be thankful.
Today I wish you the same.


Love and Light!
Agoraphobia Gurl

Beat Down on Bret Michaels

Greetings,


Oddly enough this was not the intended "next" post I had been planning in my head but I thought I would share. On Facebook this morning one of the local news stations was covering Bret Michaels health scare. Apparently while on stage his blood sugars dropped extremely low and he had to stop the performance and paramedics were called...if interested here is the People article http://www.people.com/article/bret-michaels-health-emergency-new-Hampshire


I am not going to hook you to the actual news article I read and commented on as I am kind of being crucified at the moment. I had said I am sorry I don't think this is news worthy, the man needs to eat a banana before he goes on stage(apparently the auto spell check changed it to bandana-kind of ironic and moronic all in one) and watch his drinking. Maybe that is bitchy, but this is not the first time and I am sure it won't be his last. He is very physical on the stage and WE are also getting old, we have to take care of ourselves and remember to eat something especially if we are prone to get low like me and Bret.


"In people with diabetes, hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) develops when there is not enough sugar (glucose) in your body to be used as fuel for cells. A number of different factors can cause hypoglycemia, including certain medications and diet. Certain medical conditions can also make hypoglycemia more common in people with diabetes.

Most people feel symptoms of hypoglycemia when their blood sugar is 70 mg/dL or lower.

Each person with diabetes may have different symptoms of hypoglycemia. You will learn to recognize yours.

Early symptoms of hypoglycemia may include:

• Confusion
• Dizziness
• Feeling shaky
• Hunger
• Headaches
• Irritability
• Pounding heart; racing pulse
• Pale skin
• Sweating
• Trembling
• Weakness
• Anxiety
• Headache
• Feeling irritable
• Poor coordination
• Numbness in mouth and tongue
• Passing out
• Nightmares or bad dreams
• Coma

Hypoglycemia can occur in someone with diabetes following a meal that contains a lot of simple sugars. This condition is called reactive hypoglycemia. It may also develop if a person with diabetes misses a snack, doesn't eat the whole meal, eats later than usual, doesn't eat when ill, or drinks alcohol without eating any food. Therefore, it's particularly important for people with diabetes to not skip meals, particularly when they're taking diabetes medications. Intense exercise may also trigger a hypoglycemic reaction" (WebMD, N/A)

I feel like I should further argue my point, as my actual name is posted. I am easy enough to find and apparently the greater Milwaukee area holds a great deal of love for Bret Michaels(lead singer of Poison, because I know some of you are wondering). It is frustrating to me being attacked for stating the truth, he needs to take better care of himself. If I am going for a hike or watching the kids-I EAT A BANANA!


To those of you that I offended,  God Bless him, he is not the best poster boy for diabetics. However he was awfully pretty with all of that hair and eyeliner. He could Talk Dirty To Me any time... I wish him well. I wish him happiness. I wish he would eat a banana before he goes on stage! He has kids to think about.


Diabetics get low all the time. I know, I am one of them. I watch this very closely. For all of you Bret Michaels fans calling me ignorant and foolish(the kind version-pretty much) it is just so important that we all take care of ourselves. None of us want to end up in the hospital. None of us want to feel the horrible feelings that go along with having low blood sugar. Wishing you well.


Love and Light,
Agoraphobia Gurl












Reference
WebMD Hypoglycemia Causes and Symptoms. Retrieved from: http://www.webmd.com/diabetes/diabetes-hypoglycemia

Memorial Day

Greetings~


It is Memorial Day Weekend! People are out camping, having cookouts, going to parades, and car shows. Lots of activity! I think it is important that we take a moment to remember what this is all about-not just a long fun filled weekend, something much more important.


"Three years after the Civil War ended, on May 5, 1868, the head of an organization of Union veterans — the Grand Army of the Republic (GAR) — established Decoration Day as a time for the nation to decorate the graves of the war dead with flowers. Maj. Gen. John A. Logan declared that Decoration Day should be observed on May 30. It is believed that date was chosen because flowers would be in bloom all over the country.
The first large observance was held that year at Arlington National Cemetery, across the Potomac River from Washington, D.C....The crowd attending the first Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery was approximately the same size as those that attend today’s observance, about 5,000 people. Then, as now, small American flags were placed on each grave — a tradition followed at many national cemeteries today. In recent years, the custom has grown in many families to decorate the graves of all departed loved ones.(U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs, 2014)


We all know some one who has served, and I am a huge pacifist myself, however to all of the men and women who have fought and serve to protect us and our freedom we owe you a huge thank you!


Have a blessed day-
Remembering You Always!


Agoraphobia Gurl


I need to catch up on my posts. I feel like I have so much to say and fill you in on.
Today I also need to congratulate my cousin Cory Jon on his wedding day! I believe he has found the perfect match and mate in Kelsey. I remember the day you arrived at the hospital and I am honored to be a part of your special day today!


Happy Birthday Alexia Rose-I remember the day you were born you precious little peanut, and I have had the privilege to  be a part of your life from infant, toddler, precocious teenager, and now a young woman. My first Godchild. I love you so much I wish I could share in your day.


Every one have a wonderful holiday weekend.
Be safe!






Reference
United States Department of Veteran Affairs (2014) Memorial Day History. Retrieved from: http://www.va.gov/opa/speceven/memday/history.asp?utm_source=3birds&utm_medium=Web&utm_campaign=AUBURNVW_Fun+Facts+About+Memorial+Day

Terminating Therapy

Greetings,

As some of you are probably wondering why I am cryptically babbling about Jedi’s and the Millennium Falcon, the truth of the matter is this was about change, it was about terminating therapy. One would think that this might be a happy ending, an ending of completion and success. Some might compare it to graduating, this was not the case in my story. We just came to a fork in the road apparently. Time for a change. “The best therapy doesn't deny its finite nature. All therapy comes to an end, and unfortunately most clients and therapists don't talk about termination until it's staring them in the face. This denial sets them up for an awkward, abrupt or destructive end to their work.” (Howes, 2008). For some odd reason I was expecting to be “healed” when I walked out of that door for the last time. “Ideally, along with "what are your goals for therapy?" the therapist asks "under what conditions will we end, and what will that ending look like?" This way, client and therapist together decide why and how therapy will end. If you had that discussion in the first session, you won't have a problem terminating therapy.” (Howes, 2008). I thought we were pretty clear as to what MY goals were, being better. Getting back to me. Getting back to the healthy and stable woman I once was. However because the traditional means of therapy did not exactly work for me, nor do the medications, this process is long and arduous. Under what conditions will we end, and what will that ending look like? This was not my vision. However when asked “what if this is it?” “what if you do not get better?” if this is the reality I am supposed to swallow I guess terminating therapy is for the best. Time for a change. Time to move on. I am not exactly sure WHAT that means yet. I was not that needed therapy weekly person(once I did). I never wanted to be one of those “Bob Newhart” patients, some people NEED weekly, daily, in patient, what have you, I am not judging anyone. Obviously if one is trying to maintain sobriety for example a meeting a day. If someone is dealing with something horrible, like rape I can see needing a more constant ear…I have anxiety. I am afraid to leave the house. At some point the concept of weekly therapy became mundane, I didn’t need it. I was and am taking my steps and following my program so to speak. I do know with all of my being a therapist who does not share my vision  of healing and wellness is not acceptable. I refuse that as an option.

Beast in the bed.

Beast in my head.

Not all men can handle all of this!

Love and Light!

Agoraphobia Gurl~some times all you can do is laugh!

I want to thank those of you who found his behavior to be ridiculous and that can see the progress I have made and continue to make…Dawn, Jo, Megan, Julie, and Annie. For believing in me and supporting me in these chaotic last few days.

 

Reference

Howes, R. (2008) Terminating Therapy. Retrieved from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/200810/terminating-therapy-part-iv-how-terminate

May The Force Be With You

Greetings,

Did Yoda actually have all of the answers? The wise Jedi Master….Battling with my agoraphobia and anxiety I don’t often feel that the force is on my side. Many times I feel like I am crying out for Old Ben, unheard and misunderstood. This is really a piss poor analogy for my life. I am not a Princess, I don’t have a light saber, or even a Wookie to call my own. I am not even this big of a geek, however I do still have an undying love for Luke Skywalker for whatever that is worth.

I optimistically  thought I had a Jedi on my side, someone to believe in me even if they were getting a paycheck to do so. I never really expected my Jedi to “prepare” me for the “reality” of “you might never get better”-“this might be it”. I apologize for my grammar, you will have to excuse my I don’t give a fuck.

Not what I needed.

Not What I expected.

Not what I am willing to accept.

I deserve better.

I had faith in you Yoda. I wish you would have had a little more faith in what could have been accomplished. Damn good thing that the ladies room in the Millennium Falcon are squeaky clean as I spent a nice part of the morning sitting on the floor sobbing like a baby. Swollen eyes and a red nose for most of the day.

A tiny little part of me feels like crawling into a hole , cancelling everything and just giving up. However I will continue to fight even if my Jedi doesn’t believe in me. I am still going to believe in me. I will not give up. I deserve better. I will continue my journey.

Sometimes those we look to for support and comfort let us down, but I guess we need to remember we are all just human.

 

                                            Farewell My Yoda-

                                                        May The Force Be With You.

                                                                 Love and Light-

                                                                                    Agoraphobia Gurl

 

  “Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.”-Yoda

Healing

“Being touched and touching someone else are fundamental modes of human interaction, and increasingly, many people are seeking out their own "professional touchers" and body arts teachers-- chiropractors, physical therapists, Gestalt therapists, Rolfers, the Alexander-technique and Feldenkrais people, massage therapists, martial arts and T'ai Chi Ch'uan instructors.  And some even wait in physicians’ offices for a physical examination for ailments that have no organic cause—they wait to be touched.” (Farber, 2013) I had not really given much thought to this previously, we all know petting a dog or a cat brings for relaxation and is all around good for your mental health. Babies are my personal “drug of choice”- holding a little one that you love as they sleep, watching their little chest rise and fall, they just melt right into my heart. I physically and mentally feel better after doing so, it makes me feel good.

When my journey began on this blog   I was actually in physical therapy for a rotator cuff injury. Tons of physical therapy, which did not necessarily feel great. Steroid injections, which were actually very useful but it came to a point where they were talking surgery. This being said I need to point out that the MRI images were not clear, so they wanted to cut me open based on a blurry image-call me crazy but that didn’t feel right. Here we are, just about two years later, and I am having issues again. I also decide to address my back at this time. I should have done this years ago. This physical therapy is different. This physical therapy involves a lot of touch, a lot of massage and it is working! As she works my muscles and we are talking years of pain, it gets better and better. Not back to 100% …yet but I have days that are pain free. It no longer feels like I have sheet metal embedded under my skin-it feels like skin, flesh, bone…touch is making me better. Exercise and strengthening is also a part of this but I didn’t know I could feel this good again. Touch heals.

“Treatment that uses direct touch can have a depth and potency that can have a great therapeutic impact, which provides some explanation for why so many people are seeking out their own "professional touchers" or are filling the waiting rooms of physicians, waiting for the doctor to find the cause of the pain and make them better. In the process, they are touched.” (Farber, 2013) I actually suggest reading  Sharon K. Farber’s The Mind Body Connection. The story truly resonated within me.

Speaking of stories Eileen Troemel’s   Moon Affirmations: Daily Meditations Using The Moon Phases to Focus Your Energy  is now available in paperback!

http://www.amazon.com/Moon-Affirmations-Daily-Meditations-Energy/dp/1499300069/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1399412122&sr=1-3&keywords=eileen+troemel

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy." - Sai Baba

Love and Light~

Agoraphobia Gurl

 

 

Reference

Farber, Sharon K. (2013) The Mind Body Connection. Retrieved from:

     http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mind-body-connection/201312/the-mind-body-connection-0