Get in touch with your inner Madea

Greetings,

I have been doing some thinking about my friend Holly. She has a lot of stressful things going on in her life right now. Her husband is attending school out of state so he is only home on weekends, she has a back surgery coming up, and she is a teacher...GOD BLESS HER, and I don't really need to say more beyond that.
Sometimes she gets worked up, not crazy worked up like me, but worked up. She has issues with anxiety too. She seems to do better with medication than I do, she is still living life.
I think back to times of trouble and stress in my life, I offered her my owl hat for a little while, but I think maybe she just needs to get in touch with her inner Pink. I don't really know if it would be Pink for her, the musician, but Pink kind of kicks ass and takes no crap, and I know she likes Pink.
For me in my times of anxiety my fall black is Madea, I am a strong black woman who is armed and takes no crap either. I love Madea and I draw strength from her. If I am stressed I will tell myself  "I am a strong black woman, I am a strong black woman." Getting in touch with my inner Madea~heller! I realize the visual, a crazy white woman walking around in an owl hat chanting that she is a strong black woman. That is how I roll.
Maybe Holly needs to get in touch with her inner Pink
"I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I will breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the why's, will all be crystal clear
Na na na na - da da da da
Blow me one last kiss"
-Pink
Breathe breathe I won't worry~ sounds like pretty good advice to me.
Think Pink Holly! Everything is going to be allright!

Love and Light!

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/pink-perfect-lyrics.html ]
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)

[Yeah~, Ohh~ pretty pretty please, Ohh~]

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

You're perfect, You're perfect
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
-Pink

Love you Holly <3

 

Hat Talisman...maybe not

Greetings,

The tale of the hat talisman continues....

Yesterday I went grocery shopping and ran a few errands, yes on a Saturday, not usually a great plan for this agoraphobic girl. Why, simply every employed human is also doing their grocery shopping and other assorted errands.

Lets face it, I don't do well in large groups of people, hell I don't do particularly good outside of the house period. I am wearing my owl hat, my talisman, my little piece of Sarah from Arizona, and it starts. I am working my way up the frozen vegetable isle and some one comes up to me,
 "Did you make that hat?"
"No, my friend Sarah made it."
"It is really cute."
"Thank you, I really like it too."

This is in  my first isle. This is how the shopping continues. I kind of feel like I am in a parade. Who knew one little crocheted owl hat could make everyone so sociable.

Cut to the checkout, the check out line is a really tricky place for me, this is where I end up doing my cut and run if I have it, but I have looked for all of these friggen coupon items. I will deal with my chest pounding. This woman in the next line over keeps looking at me. It is freaking me out. It doesn't even occur to me it is the hat. But when she starts discussing the hat with the cashier and the both start looking at me, well okay, naturally it is the hat. From the next line over,
"Did you make that? It is an owl right?"
"Thank you, yes it is an owl."
"It is really cute."
"Thank you."....

I am going to be ordering a bracelet this week. (Feel free to order your own owl hat from Sarah's Gypsy Wagon on Etsy!)

Love and Light!

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength".
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Nothing to do today but smile....

Greetings,

The weekend is upon us again. I have a paper I must buckle down and write, which seems to be the on going story of my life.
Tomorrow we will be celebrating my Dad's birthday, really a typical Sunday at Moms only with cake and gifts.
I have been thinking a lot about time passing, and all of the changes that occur with this. Yesterday my little Annie, who is not so little any more, called to tell me she is engaged. Sometimes I look at her and I still see the little girl who was afraid of thunderstorms and carried my baby around like little Miss Mama. Most of the times I look at her and that is still how I see her. Now she is a Mom and getting married to a wonderful young man. I couldn't be happier. When she called me I was holding her sisters little boy in my arms, and he is still a tiny little baby with sweet milky breath. I whispered in his ear, Auntie is getting married as a tear trickled down my cheek.
Where does the time go? It passes by so quickly. When I was a child summers seemed so endless, riding bikes and laying out at the pool. As we get older, especially once we have children it is like years turn into minutes, time passes by so quickly. I vividly can look back and recall all of these key moments in my life, my best will forever be having my baby. My baby who will be 17 this year. My baby who could now lift Annie up and carry her around on his hip. Where did it all go?
Life does not slow down, it keeps on moving, make sure you don't miss it. Make sure you capture those moments. Make sure you capture the joy. The simplest acts; playing in a crunchy pile of leaves, collecting stones at the beach, sharing an ice cream cone eventually end up being cherished memories. Sweet milky kisses being a thing of the past. Live each day with gratitude and without regrets.  Tell people that you love them and tell them why. Make sure you LIVE and LOVE as time is so precious.

Best Wishes Annie and Daniel~I love you both!
Love and Light!

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Happy Valentine's Day

Greetings,

This one will have to be short and sweet. I didn't get much sleep last night, I woke at 2 am for some reason. Today was pretty productive, I worked on some things for my government class. I did some laundry, and dishes...but really who wants to hear about that crap.

Mental health: Yesterday my son and I went to Orange Leaf for frozen yogurt, the place was empty so I didn't do too bad. We went to Target afterwards, that wasn't so hot, but I managed. Today Dean and I went to Red Lobster for lunch. It was PACKED. I thought about ordering a So Co and Diet but I didn't. It was important that I maintained, Dean has been wanting to go for well, years and for one reason or another(me) it has not happened. It was very yummy, and the server was great. This is the first time since my son has been born that I went out without him on Valentine's Day, which may explain a lot about my relationship status over the years. He was like GO MOM, get out! So it is all about me and my crazy self. I was hoping that it would be nice enough to stop at the lake or a park for a little bit, I really need some outside time. I need to feel the sand on my skin and hear the sounds of the waves crashing. I was very optimistic, I even took my camera. It was chilly and raining, which turned to snow, no playing outside. We stopped and got a coffee at Stone Creek, I love Stone Creek. When I was living in Wauwatosa and had the bakery, and my hipster yuppie life, that was one of my weekly stops. Skim hazelnut latte~YUMMO. We also hit the Breadsmith on the way back. They no longer make my olive bread, listen and certainly you can hear the sound of my heart breaking.

"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Keep on climbing! Hope you had a wonderful day!
Love and Light!

Yee-haw. I'm feeling very into sisters right now.

The power behind the talisman. We have talked about this a little bit in the past. The things we do in the name of healing, and the really fun part is the confused look on the face of your shrink when you tell them about it. I have walked around with rocks in my pocket, a variety of crystals, I have done reike…I am still here. I am not trying to take away from any of the possible healing properties that any of these things may have. I just know what has and has not worked for me. An example of this would be a purple scarf (which is bringing you power and protection) tied around your waist or your head was really nothing more than a fashion statement for me, and not a very good one. I think reike is an amazing thing, but reike is only as powerful as you believe it to be and as powerful and as healing as the hands of the person performing it. I have had one AMAZING reike experience, exhausting and life changing, done by a couple, after they broke up the power changed. My friend Eileen crochets beautiful items, I am wrapped it a shawl she made me right now, it makes you feel wrapped in her warmth and offers comfort. She also works with Essential oils, and makes some amazing product or potion however you want to look at it.

I think crystal healing has something to offer, but I am a little challenging, so I may not be the best person to judge this. Blue Lace Agate is a gentle, calming stone that brings tranquility, a lessening of anger (even deep anger issues) and a calming of nervousness. Amber serves as a bridge to connect the energies of heaven and earth - of the spiritual and the physical realms. Amber can be used to ground spiritual energies into your physical body and fill it with light. Amethyst has been known for eons of time as the stone of spirituality and the stone to assist in alcohol recovery. It will assist in overcoming any addiction. Angelite can bring serenity, inner peace, and a sense of calm, and is excellent to use when you need to calm down from feelings of overwhelming stress. Spectrolite brings forth each person's strengths, originality, aids sleep, relate to others. Spectrolite is thought to bring good luck.

“Your badge - it's just a star, just another symbol. Your talisman. It can't stop criminals in their tracks, can it? It has power because you believe it does. Wish you could believe in me.” –Sally Owens(Practical Magic,1998) The power you put behind the talisman, my friend Sarah recently started crocheting and is selling items on Etsy. She also makes beaded jewelry(which I am going to have to order something for summer). I ordered a colorful beanie and an owl hat. I am pretty sure that Sarah has actually worn this owl hat in one of her You Tube videos(please do not correct me if I am wrong). When my package from Sarah’s Gypsy Wagon arrived and I realized what it was I was screaming like a girl at a Justin Beiber concert. I tore into my package and plopped my owl on my head and was running around the house like the Thundercats or possibly the Wondertwins. I was screeching about the power of the hat, while Dean and my kid looked at me like I was insane. My new lucky talisman. Sarah has been a mentor of sorts and she is just an amazing girl, so this little piece of something she made with yarn gave me that little extra push out the door. Thank you Sarah!

"But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can."-Sally Owens(Practical Magic, 1998)

 

Love and Light!

Ebbs and flows

Greetings,

The beginning of a new week, maybe the start of something new. I managed to go out Saturday and Sunday this weekend at least for a little while on Sunday. Sunday we went to Denny's, my son really just wanted to eat at McDonald's and perhaps that is what we should have done. We have established that Denny's is in my comfort zone, but man how do you jack up a hamburger like that? I ordered a patty melt, which I often do, and it comes slathered in what they are calling "El fresco" sauce, which is thousand island and ketchup. Which never in my 44 year of life have I been served a patty melt with El fresco sauce on it, not even last week at the very same Denny's. Naturally the server and the manager have to argue with me and tell me every other time I have had a patty melt at Denny's(again same friggen Denny's) it has been made incorrectly. I don't want to order a new one as it took at least a half an hour to get the first one. I march up to the manager saying okay we need to do something about this, she starts with giving me 4.00 off my 8.00 hamburger that I won't eat because it tastes like ass...the moral of the story, I went and handled it. I did end up getting more taken off the bill, but I left Denny's hungry and kind of pissed. So I had two outing this weekend where I was relatively fine, on Friday I was babysitting, in my living room I had a panic attack. I started worrying about what if my blood sugar got low. Which has happened before, not with this baby, but with other babies, the normal protocol is I get my son or Dean and drink some juice. Generally speaking I don't usually need either of the guys it is just a safety measure until my blood sugar raises back up. Lily is just old enough to get it at this point. I say I need a juice break and we are good to go. It was just weird, I started having an anxiety attack for no reason. If I would have gotten low everything would have been fine. Nothing would have happened to the baby. So two good days out and one freak out at home, the ebbs and flows of anxiety and agoraphobia.

"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.”

Bruce Barton Anxiety is often driven by anticipation. Try not to indulge thoughts about what could happen. Allow your thoughts to focus on what you are doing now or where you are now. Stay out of the past and out of the future. If you "stay in the now," your anxiety level will come down. If you are anticipating upset, planning your escape, checking your watch or thinking about past "failures," your anxiety level will go up. Focus on your immediate surroundings to help you stay in the present, (e.g., colors, textures, the details of a conversation, etc.). Tell yourself: "Stay in the here-and-now." "Keep your feet on the floor." "Keep your mind where your body is." "What am I doing now? What do I need to do now?" "I'll deal with that when the time comes." I am the QUEEN of anticipation, I can anticipate myself into a demonic roller coaster ride in like 2 minutes. Just remember to BREATH and try and push forward. Keep pushing yourself in a positive direction, for me it is out the door. The more I walk out the door the closer to free I become. Don't get me wrong, my program is far from perfect. I might be able to go to Denny's but I still can't walk around my block by myself. One day at a time, one step at a time. Just keep trying.   Love and Light.

Saturday

Greetings,

Hope all is well, very chilly night here in the midwest! I have been super busy between school, babysitting, and just life.

Today was a pretty good day I have to say. I ran my errands with Dean this morning. I had to go to pharmacy and  the library. I went into the library by myself and I was fine and it was actually busy.

This afternoon/evening I went out with my Sister. It was a lot of fun. We went to Half Priced Books, neither of us actually ended up buying any books for ourselves. I am not sure that has ever happened to me before. I was a little anxious in the store it was busy, but I don't think you could tell I was anxoius. I have this new "fidget" when I am nervous I play with my braid. I have been wearing a braid a lot. So I focused on fidgeting with my hair. We went to Penzy's. I love Penzys. Great spices and they are available online, check them out! I spent WAY too much money today. After Penzys we went to the Mall. Yes I went to the mall on a Saturday night!!!! I did not freak. I did not die. I actually had fun, and I didn't fidget with my hair too much. I feel really good. YAY me. Thanks Sis.

Hope you get out and do something fun!
Love and Light!