Happy Birthday John

Greetings,

God gave the gift of life to John on July 23, 1956. He was born in Waukesha, Wisconsin, where he spent most of his life.

John affirmed his faith, and was assured of God’s eternal promises for him on the day of his baptism, at Ascension Lutheran Church, December 7^th, 1996. It was also the day that John’s son, Michael, was baptized.

After a difficult but courageous battled with illness John died November 6^th, 2002. He had journeyed with us in this life for 46 years.

Today we remember his life. Today we remember the day he came to this world. Today we honor his birthday.

Every year we take time to remember this day-not the day we lost him. Today we celebrate his life! Today we send balloons to the sky, as we have every year since he has been gone. Today we will sing Happy Birthday! Today we will have a root beer float! Today we cherish his memory and remember his LIFE!

He Loved Life! He loved music, he loved the outdoors, he loved his friends, and he would give the shirt off of his back for any one.  Dear John –We Miss You!

 

 

 

On Eagles Wings

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
Who abide in his shadow for life,
Say to the Lord: "My refuge,
My rock in whom I trust!"

And he will lift you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.


The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;
Under his wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.
And he will lift you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.


You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day;
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.
And he will lift you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.


For to his angels he's given a command
To guard you in all of your ways;
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And he will lift you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.

Composed by Michael Joncas

 

Life is short and precious. Live each day as it could be your last. Love with reckless abandon! Play in the rain and be silly. Don’t forget to say I love you! Treasure every moment with the special people in your life. Some will come and some will go but don’t look back with regrets and bitterness! Love and cherish each other! Raise a glass and remember!

Love and Light,

Agoraphobia Gurl

The Anger Factor-It Feels Like Anger….

Greetings,

I never put much thought into the aspect of anger and rage going hand in hand with anxiety, however it does. I find myself weak and powerless in my anxiety in most scenarios. I wish at times I could be fueled with that anger, anger makes me feel powerful and strong. Anger makes me able to walk across town to my Mom’s house. On the other hand with the power of anger comes the displeasure of living with someone with anger. Words can be more powerful than a fist and the pain and bruising from words can last a life time.

 Hostility and anger can be a part of your anxiety. I find myself wondering, it this more predominate in men or just those loose cannons out in the world. Seeing a lot of people with anger issues and issues with temper I wonder how many of these people have issues with anxiety.

“Experts believe this suggests that anger and anxiety go hand in hand, and that heightened levels of anger are uniquely related to GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)  status.” (Nauert, 2012) Some people will strike out, physically or verbally while others will let the anger fester inside till it boils over. In your treatment and recovery-on your road back to wellness these are parts of your disorder that need to be addressed.  How do we address this? Talk therapy, medication, the usual…or the alternatives. Physical activity(just got home from a walk that I needed), yoga, dance, martial arts, and meditation. Some school of thought use a journaling process where you are rating your anger and rage, we can take this to the next step and write what was going on during this anger and rage. This is really a pretty common practice in any scenario, if you are dealing with anxiety, depression, addiction, and anger-write it down. Chart it-take it further. Let your feelings flow pen to paper and maybe, just maybe we can find some answers!

Tools for anger management are readily available, we can find groups and classes in person and in the virtual realm. In the mean time work on your relaxation techniques(use your anxiety breathing).  Don’t be dramatic(cognitive restructuring), it is not the end of the world if someone cuts you off or if you spill your coffee. You don’t need to throw things and swear, remind yourself it is not the end of the world! It is a minor annoyance and things could be much worse. Your basically working on reprogramming your thought pattern. Don’t jump to conclusions, communicate! Try to avoid being a pompous ass while communicating, it is not funny, people don’t like it. If you need to leave the situation (this might be more complicated for the agoraphobic) give yourself a change of scenery. Go for a walk, go sit at the beach, go to a movie, and if you can’t physically leave maybe just go sit in your back yard or take a bubble bath. Laughter-both giving and receiving!

This is not my forte, this is simply something I have been exploring. Perhaps we will come back and revisit this topic.  Again I need to point out I am not an expert. I am just me, a semi crazy chick trapped in a fish bowl. Actually today that doesn’t feel like me. I feel like my space is grown just a bit, maybe I have expanded to a fish trapped in a pond or a zoo exhibit. My world is getting a little bit bigger one day at a time.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." -Mark Twain

TRUTH!

 

Love and Light!

Agoraphobia Gurl

 

 "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one that gets burned." –Buddha

Too many good anger quotes, can’t just pick one! Please feel free to share your favorite if you are so compelled!

Reference:

Nauert, R.( 2012) Link Between Anger and Anxiety. Retrieved from: http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/12/05/link-between-anger-and-anxiety/48618.html

 

 

 

Postpartum Anxiety

Greetings,

I had planned on covering this topic a little bit and in honor of yesterday (my son turning 18). I thought I  would take this opportunity to talk a little bit about postpartum anxiety. We have all heard of postpartum depression, but this is a separate beast. This is a beast I am not all that familiar with. After having my baby I thought I was Wonder Woman. I could do anything with my swollen ankles and swollen breasts. Mess with my child you might see my Inner She Hulk come out…but this blog is about anxiety and its many nuances so we must dig a little deeper. 10% of women develop anxiety postpartum and 6% will develop anxiety problems during the pregnancy itself.  This makes sense and I am kind of surprised that the numbers are not higher, if you think about how many people try so hard to get pregnant and how many people have miscarriages, anxiety would defiantly fall into play, hell, it totally falls right into place.

The symptoms for pregnancy and postpartum anxiety are basically the same as any other kind of anxiety or panic attack. Some of these symptoms could certainly freak the little pregnant body out, the shaking, the sweating, the heart pounding you might feel as if you are actually having a heart attack. If you are questioning your symptoms and think something might just be physically wrong with you-GET TO THE DOCTOR! Better to be safe, and you and your Doctor can figure this out together. I had such a hard time accepting anxiety and agoraphobia into my life. I fought it tooth and nail. I did not want to be labeled anything let alone mentally ill, but in truth it wasn’t worth the fight. It does not make you weak or less of a person. If I would have faced the battle sooner maybe I would have won the battle sooner(still have not won this battle, but I remain optimistic). This really is treatable!

What are the risk factors? Who is at risk? Risk factors for perinatal anxiety and panic include a personal or family history of anxiety, previous perinatal depression or anxiety, or thyroid imbalance, the thyroid is a complicated beast too! Too fat, too thin, hair falling out, nails breaking off, skin looking like crap…pain in the ass (figuratively speaking). Anyone can be at risk. It is also okay to question your Doctor’s. It is okay to question and get a second opinion. It is okay to seek out an endocrinologist if your thyroid is out of control. It is YOUR BODY! If you have a life growing inside of it or you just gave birth to another little human, make sure you are in optimal condition. You need to be around, energized, and in good condition. We wouldn’t drive baby around with exhaust fumes seeping into the car or with faulty brakes, so think of your body like you think about your car. You want it running perfect. You want it to be safe.

If this is something you are facing we as women have choices, if we don’t feel like we can reach out to friends or family many support groups exist. You can find groups in person, on the phone, on the internet, all you have to do is reach out! You are not alone!

"One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves." - L. Tom Perry

Love and Light,

You Are Not Alone!

Agoraphobia Gurl

 

Projecting Backwards

Greetings,

Today my son turns 18. It has not been an easy ride, he has experienced great loss and great tragedy. This has built the man he has become, he is strong, he is a fighter, he is compassionate, he is a man you can count on. This is someone you want as a friend or on your side in a fight. He does not walk away from what he values, he treasures what is important-important is love and life. He learned these things because of all of the people who have come and gone out of his life with such carless disregard. However it has made him an amazing man. Truly amazing!

When he was little one of his lullabies was Beautiful Boy by John Lennon.

 “Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime” (Lennon, 1980)

So we are here now-you are officially an adult. I would like to hit the rewind button, perhaps hit pause. It all slipped past too fast. I don’t know what I was thinking? Coming of age is not all that is cracked up to be. Milky baby’s breath, first bike rides, first kisses, first sleep over’s-that is some good stuff. Letting go sucks! I realize that was the intended purpose. We raise you to be the best you can be and we let you go out into the world to spread your wings and fly. It is all crap and I am not ready for it. The big grown up world is filled with bills and work and really not enough time for Mama I am thinking.

“Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While you’re busy making other plans” (Lennon, 1980)

This I know to be true! Life didn’t exactly follow the path I thought it would however I wish I would have spent less time working and more time raising my son. I wish I would have had more time and energy to play, because laundry will never leave you, it will always be waiting. Little boys grow up. Life just happens and in a blink of an eye you can miss so much. Cherish every day and every moment! One minute you are holding them while they sleep, little chests rise and fall. You hear the first words, watch them take first steps…and one day that baby becomes a man(or a woman). I am desperately trying to find that pause button, that rewind button!

We don’t get an instruction manual as we walk out of the hospital with that new precious life or for all of  the magical steps that follow. Letting go can be one of the hardest parts of parenting. Some parents seem so anxious to push them out the door and start with their next step, I don’t think I will every really grasp that. I do know it is my job to let him go, and let him fly. Let him be the man that he was born to be. I just think it sucks!

Happy Birthday my Baby!

Have a Blessed Day!

Agoraphobia Gurl

PS- I wonder where this is going to take my mental health !

 

Reference

Lennon, J. (1980) Beautiful Boy. Geffen Records.