BLAH-November

Greetings,

Hope all is well in your world. Today is a cold and rainy day and I am not feeling motivated. I have a paper I need to work on but until I hear from my Professor I am on a stand still. I finally got Inferno from the library (Dan Brown), which you can see my quandary here...paper/Dan Brown book. Dan Brown is really not something I can knock out in one day.

Well what am I doing to make me better and work on my agoraphobia, I am trying to push myself a little more out after dark. I generally do very poorly after dark, like I am a reverse vampire-hold the glitter, but when the sun goes down I have a melt down like the Wicked Witch from the West after some one hosed her down good...I am melting I am melting!

So on Halloween (yes I closed my doors and did not hand out candy-perhaps another Elphaba move) we went to see a movie, usually the movie theater tweaks me enough as it is-but we went after dark. It was a nice change of pace and I didn't melt or anything, went out to dinner at Culvers the other night after dark too, no melting. I mean I do feel agitated and uncomfortable but nothing has killed me thus far.

I went to my Cousin's housewarming party on Saturday, I was looking forward to going, but I dipped into the liquid courage(Southern Comfort and Miller Lite) and had a very enjoyable time. I went to McDonalds with my parents afterwards as my Mom wanted French fries and ice cream ( she had a little Miller Lite too) and I did fine. If only Southern Comfort came in the form of a pill that I could take every day. I guess that too would wear off, but it is nice to be free and not care for an evening.

Feeling Scrooge like and not overly motivated, between school and the holidays right around the corner I just don't know which end is up. I didn't even have my children/family Halloween party or any kind of Samhain gathering...my wood is still sitting in the back yard getting wet. Maybe next year will be better? Maybe I can pull myself together for Christmas. Whatever the case I hope you are doing something to move forward. No matter how small the step may seem, take it!

Love and Light!