Greetings,
I am probably too exhausted to be writing this, but it is on my mind, so here it goes.
A word on forgiveness and letting go, or not trying hard enough....giving up.
Once upon a time I was married to John, it wasn't always easy, but it wasn't always so bad. We had a lot of good times. We went on road trips, camping, concerts, we laughed. His friends called him Bird man because his laughter was like a cackling bird (and he loved eagles).
He died in November, November 6th to be exact, when my son was 5 (he will be turning 18 this year). I have just been sitting here listening to some music from concerts we attended before Michael was born, or songs he would sing to me as we were driving around. Holidays are hard without him, he brought joy to the holidays. I wish Michael knew that. I wish Michael knew him when he was well. I wish Michael knew him outside of that hospital bed. I wish John were here watching him grow up, teaching him about being a man. John should be the one teaching him how to drive. I still get very angry at this God who takes away Daddy's and babies that just didn't get enough time.
I guess I should get to the point...
Today people just don't take relationships seriously. " To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." That means something, do whatever it takes to make it work. If you can't make it work at least learn to be kind, and learn forgiveness. So many people spend so much time being bitter and being angry at their ex. Let me tell you, it isn't worth it. For as much as that man pissed me off, I miss him and wish he were here being Michael's Dad. If you don't have kids I guess maybe you can just walk away, but if you do have kids you need to learn forgiveness, as long as that child is alive that person you created him or her with is going to be a part of YOUR life. Learn how to deal with it. It is a process, it is painful, but you are forever intertwined. You will have confirmations, communions, graduations from high school, college, your child or children, whatever the case may be, might just get married (and you might actually have to dance with your ex), you might become Grandparents...you are forever intertwined (think before you breed-this is a long term commitment). You need to learn to let go of that anger and that pain. I would do just about anything to have Michael's Daddy here with him. Just because we didn't make it as a couple doesn't mean he doesn't hold a special place in my heart...forever in my heart.
Make each day count and treasure every moment.
Dear John
Written by Tommy Shaw
Dear John I knew you
About as well as anyone
We were the wild ones
So sure those days would never end
Now they're only memories my friend
Dear John I'll see you
Some day again
I swear I saw you
On a crowded street today
I almost called your name
Thinking of all those yesterdays
Heaven help me
How I miss my friend
Dear John I'll see you
Some day again
There'll be a celebration
When all will be revealed
We'll have a reunion
High on a hill
Dear John how are you
God know it's heaven where you are
Find some peace there
May it never end
Dear John my heart knows
We'll meet again
Dear John I'll see you...
Some day again
Fly with The Eagles!
Love and Light
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