Boobies

Hello Loves,

How are we doing? I am doing, not great. I ran some errands this morning, so my agrorphobic ass
did get out of the house. I managed to snap on Dean while in the Dollar Store. Things have not exactly been peachy around here and I mostly want to punch him in the throat, this has been lingering since my I am sorry I made you cry post. I know you say get over it, but my people don't get over it.
Just ask my Mum about Wendy's or Sam's Club, we hold a grudge when we are treated poorly.
Months ago they found those lumps in my breasts, one in each, like a matching set. In this time I was supposed to wait, wait to see if they grow. Well I have been just stewing in this. I have been trying not to think about it, but I can't shut it off. I am actually pretty certain the lump in my right breast has grown. I can feel that it has grown. Monday morning 7:30 am is when I get them rechecked. Nothing like starting the day with a strange woman feeling you up and proceeding to have them squished flat like a pancake...Agoraphobia Gurl is a little shaken and stirred, not in a good way like a yummy alcholic beverage, in  bad way. I don't want sick boobies. The rest of me is fucked up enough, I don't need this too. So if you are so inclined maybe say a little prayer, light a little candle, do what ever it is, to who ever your God is. Send a little love my way : )

Thanks
Love and Light

Computer Literacy ...

Happy Friday : )

It is a beautiful day and I should be outside playing but I have been trapped here all day while my central air gets installed. I have taken this opportunity to look ahead to my Computer Lit. class that is starting next week. I am having yet another what the hell was I thinking moment. This class in itself is going to be a full time job. I will be creating graphs and charts and using WORDLE. What the hell is Wordle???  Take me back to my grammar I was bitching about, I at least understand the words that are being said to me. I understand the word punctuation, I just don't use it properly. I really wish they would finish up with my CA, I would like some private time to cry now.

I would love to go do something tonight. I would like to go to the Saint Mary's Festival. I know how often does AgoraphobiaGurl WANT to go out, well actually a lot, it just frightens me if I actually get to do it. I at least need to go water the garden and enjoy my yard. The man installing the CA smooshed all of my chives and is bordering on rhubarb damage. UNCOOL!

Try and get out and do something fun.
Love and Light!

Grammar is Evil

My English Comp class is almost over...WOO HOO. I am pretty sure I am going to pass...double WOO HOO. Hmmm....this might be the reason I am having issues...
I really am trying and I expected this to be an easy A.

I will miss Mr.Schulman. He is my TA and he is over qualified so having him give me feedback on my papers is an amazing gift. Grant you I don't know that I would actually put writing for MTV on my resume personally, when he has done so many really amazing things. But that is me.

I should go out and do something but it is so hot, and my head is throbbing. I am pretty sure my brain might in fact be bleeding. I just took the dreaded quiz. I only have a few more posts to make and a revision on my essay and I am done with English Comp for now. Sadly I have to do English Comp II
in about a month. Maybe this is why my hair is falling out!

Maybe after I get some work done in the house I will try and do some meditation. I was planning on going to the hospital for lab work this morning, but my blood sugar was low and it was a fasting lab...
so needless to say that didn't work. Why am I bringing this up? That was my leaving the house plan. Walking to and from the hospital, so maybe we will try meditation instead. It would be nice if my brain would stop throbbing.

I am in ramble mode.

What are you going to do for you today? If you can't make it out remember to try and do something
to improve your situation and your life. Write, meditate, or dance like a fool!!!

Love and Light!

I am sorry I made you cry

When a guy says to you" I am sorry I made you cry" and hands you flowers, what exactly does that mean?
I am pretty sure it means "I am right but I am sick of you whining so here are some flowers and stop looking at me like that". That is what I think that means.
What do I know? I am the Queen of failed relationships. I do know I am sure you are sorry you made me cry, as it makes your life rather unpleasant.

I have been getting out some. Not as much as I should be, and for sure not alone. That is okay. I guess it will come in time. I am always saying one step at a time. I guess I need to take my own advice. We went to Denny's for dinner Saturday night. I did not tweak out. I usually get nervous when I am in that place, but I must be getting used to it. The Sante Fe Talapia was pretty tasty I must say. I ordered a skewer of grilled shrimp too. I forgot how much I like cocktail sauce. Yummo! I would have been happy just eating the shrimp and cocktail sauce.

Sunday we went to a car show and we were in the parade in a near by city. It was fun, we were directly behind a country band that was actually pretty kick ass. I am not really a country fan, but this was like Kid Rock approved. They played Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy, which I kind of hate that song, but they did it well. The thing of it was, all the people watching the parade and jamming, high octane amusement. Scantly clad Grandma's with boobs a jiggling, jumping up and down singing along. Dudes with big beer bellies grinding and singing along,. Little kids singing along. A lot of
fun being had by all. I really wanted to take pictures of the people, but that may have been a little creepy. I have enough issues. I don't need to be creepy.

I saw my friend Eileen on Friday, yes I just went backwards. My blog, I can do what ever the hell I want. The visits go buy way to quickly, but is was needed. So that was refreshing.

Today I did some grocery shopping. I know that is not exactly exciting but if you have been following from the beginning the point of the blog is that I am agoraphobic and sharing my quest to normal. I was with Lily, she is so frigging distracting it is hard to tweak, I mostly get annoyed. Hanging off the cart, jumping off the cart, not listening, just being Lily. I love her.

Company is here so I am going to run. Hope all is well in your world. Hope you are panic free and getting out of the house.

Love and Light.

Return to Walkerville

I know I said I was taking a break from the whole political happenings here in Wisconsin. I did mean it, I am sick of being angry all of the time. I am sick of fighting with people I love, but I talked to my friend Katie yesterday and realized that you can't just stop.

Katie is a teacher, and a really good one. She is feeling deflated and alone, she doesn't feel like anyone in her family supports her. When it comes to the Walker issue, the don't, they voted for Walker and one of her siblings our right gloated when he won the recall. I would imagine that her family was very proud of her when she got her Masters degree, now don't you think they should support her as a teacher?

It is not like she has a fancy car or even owns her own house, she is by no means a pauper but it is not like her salary permits her to live some lavish lifestyle. I do believe she should be able to at the very least buy her on home.

Katie is a very family oriented person, she spends a lot of time with her parents and her siblings.
This is yet another example of the damage that has been done by Walker. It is demolishing relationships. It is demolishing the spirit of those who spend the most awake time with our children.
I would think as parents every one would want a good education for their children. Messing with our teachers is wrong. They deserve to have collective bargaining and they deserve to have contracts.
We are messing with the wrong population here folks! What is next? Should we have push the elderly into Lake Michigan Day? Just have to find a good deep spot to insure that they sink. This of course would be based on their income, we can let the rich elderly live.

My heart broke as I spoke to Katie, as her voice was crackling, and I am pretty sure the tears were welling up. Katie doesn't do that with ME. My Dear friend Katie is feeling alone and has no support from her family. I wanted to jump into the phone and hug her and take all of her pain away.

On the last day of school for the kids, one of her Walker supporting parents walked in and said to Katie, "I may not always agree with you, but you are the best teacher".

So from Laurie Peterson(K) to Bill Powers(6) and everyone in between. From me to you. Thank You! You have touched my life and each one of you has a special place in my heart.
For Barb Nava, Tina Paschke, and Jo Anne Tully, Thank You!!! You are forever in our hearts.
Especially you Tina, you were the BEST, even if we would argue from time to time. You make a difference.

For Katie and My Sister, I love you. You are not alone. You will never be alone.

Love and Light.

Compare and Contrast Essay Friday

What a beautiful day. I have been out watering the garden already this morning. I will be getting out for a bit today. I have to go to the library for sure.
I am waiting for my coffee to get done brewing so I can set off to working on my Compare and Contrast Essay. I was going to do a paper on breastfeeding versus bottle feeding, but I am really not into it. The only reason I came up with that idea is I was sitting here brainstorming about what I could write this paper about and my brother in law came over, I see Steven and I think boobs. This is how the paper begins, based on my brother in laws love for boobs. I know, that is a stretch. I was thinking maybe I will just start the whole thing over and do the essay on my brother in laws, I am sure no one else will be doing that.
I am really not feeling this English Comp class, I realize this is online college but I feel like I am doing home school college in this class. Very minimal feedback or input from the professor at all. I can't believe some one is paid to be doing this job. I am going to complain about this after I am done with the class, I should not be paying this much for a class that no one is teaching, instructing, or offering guidance on.

Have a great weekend,
Love and Light.

ARGH...Walker

     So yesterday I went to vote, I was actually by myself for awhile as it was a long process. My stomach was in knots but I stayed. I am one of those folks who is not fond of Scott Walker. I don't want to get in a big discussion about it, I am just telling you about my yesterday. I fell asleep early so I didn't even make it to see who won the election. I knew in my heart it was going to be Walker. Our school system is going to have to tolerate mass destruction before people see that teachers should have rights and contracts. You would think that parents would want good qualified teachers, like my sister.
But enough of that. Last night my friend Sean posted about how this election really hurt a lot of friendships and families, and maybe the old saying is true, never talk about religion or politics.
Sean is right. I can't stand some people I love right now, but I guess I am with Sean. It is over for now, no more talk about it. I am sick of fighting with friends and family. Shopping is hard for me, I don't need the added stress of being annoyed by loved ones.
     Ironically on a totally different topic I have a friend named Sarah, we are just online friends but she is one of the most amazing people I know. Today on one of her video blogs she brought up the things you never talk about, which her list was religion, abortion, and politics. Yet another pretty good list, if you want to keep friends. I am really not sure what "drama" she was blogging about, Sarah is very tactful. The main purpose of her message was for people to stop being negative, and to keep your foundation strong. When I say foundation I don't literally mean foundation, like where your house is sitting. I mean your roots, your people, those who ground you and lift you up. Essentially Sarah was talking about community.That is a topic we should all think about and work on. I know it is something I have talked about in my blog before. Sarah you make me think, and you make many people think. You are an inspiration.
     My meds are still not regulated. I went to a car show/church festival with my fam on Sunday.
I got totally nervous walking any where by myself, and I started having a full blown attack in the port a potty, I had to hold it till we got home. I did walk back and forth between the festival and the car show by myself a few times, so I am trying. I need to make an appointment with Doctor Bob. I
am sure he must miss me. I am just not sure if I can make it to the appointment by myself and that is going to be a huge back slide I don't want to see.
     My NUMMY tip for the day. Vitamin Water Zero, which is ZERO calories and so very yummy.
Throw it in the freezer for awhile and it turns into a yummy slushy with no calories!!! YAY!!!

Love and Light.