Blurred Lines

Greetings,

I was conversing with my Sister today and we were talking about boundaries. In having agoraphobia I “bond” inappropriately-however I have caught myself and have tried to rectify the problem. No more “bonding” with Physical Therapists and other people I have a “professional” relationship with. When one rarely goes out into the world it can be a lonely place.

I am not perfect. I found my Doctor-my ex Doctor-he moved to Texas, and if you follow me, you know that. Well, I found him on Facebook. I debated and debated-do I send the friend request? I did. I am pretty sure he is ignoring it, and I have to let it go. He was my Doctor not my friend. I was feeling vulnerable, I have been with him for a long time, and his old office had called to try and set up an appointment with his “replacement”. I use that term loosely as no one could ever replace him. I told the office I would not be returning because it is stupid to go that far, I am sure I can find someone else closer-however the nurse informed me that they would be removing me from the call list and removing Doctor Vacek as my Primary Caregiver- I did a slow motion-“noooooooooooo”, and she giggled at me. I said “not acceptable- he is still my primary”. She again giggles, “He can’t be your primary-he lives in Texas”. Damn it. Maybe he didn't notice my friend request…..like I said. I am working on it.

As a teacher, as a preacher- when and where is it ok to cross these lines? How far can we cross them? When I was a hottie bartender in Delavan people would follow me home, or wait for me outside after I closed the bar. Having creepers pull up on a Monday morning while I am standing outside with my child waiting for the bus to pick him up-seriously crossing lines. In the event that you didn't know this-stalking your bartender and hitting on her outside of her home in front of her child is not endearing in any way shape of form. It is just creepy.

Boundaries exist to protect both the professional and the client, whomever that client may be. Teacher –parent relationships, Pastor-parishioner relationships-it is all a very slippery slope. Boundary violations can harm everyone involved. Professional boundaries define effective and appropriate interaction between professionals and the public they serve.

“Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. A boundary or limit is how far we can go with comfort in a relationship. It delineates where I and my physical and psychological space end and where you and yours begins” (University of Southern California Center for Work and Family Life, N/A).

“A mentor once told me that pastors are to be friendly, but should not become friends with the parishioners. This reflection reminded me of those words she once shared with me. There is a difference between being friendly and become friends - two things that the comments to this article seem to miss. I believe - and have experienced - that being a friendly pastor is healthy for the church and for my own self; but I my friends are outside of my congregation. Someone mentioned Jesus - duh! When I read the gospels, I read about Jesus' friendship with Martha, Mary and Lazarus; and I read about Jesus' love for his disciples. But I have not read about Jesus becoming friends with his disciples. In any case, I have lived by this... I try to be friendly and to love and to listen, and my friends and supporters are outside of my congregation (Santiago, 2012).

Boundaries exist in all aspects of our lives. We have professional boundaries, work boundaries, physical boundaries, and emotional boundaries. It is so much easier and clearer to define my physical boundaries and my physical comfort level-it is pretty much if you are over the age of 10 don’t touch me! Yeah-I am a work in progress. I am agoraphobic-my geographical comfort level is pretty much nonexistent. Some days I am not even comfortable in my own skin.

Time to go check Facebook…

Love and Light,

Agoraphobia Gurl

Reference

    University of Southern California Center for Work and Family Life (N/A). CREATING HEALTHY PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES. http://www.usc.edu/

    Santiago, J.M. (2012) Good Reminder. Retrieved from: http://www.christiancentury.org/article/2012-12/pastor-not-friend