Hello Friends
I have been back in contact with a very Dear friend, which I am sure I have mentioned. After our last visit I had the realization that she was the only one of my friends back in the day not to break girl code. We discussed this a bit and it would seem her beautiful" mini me" encounters these same issues also.
It is so funny how some women just bitch and bash men when we can't even be nice to each other. Men oppress us and disrespect us, when the truth of the matter is we do it to each other. Some of us eventually grow up and grow out of it, sadly this is not always the case. I can still run into some girls from high school, shout out to Bonnie, and the little mean girl posse orbs together into the mean girl huddle and look and point and it is high school all over again-yes I am 44, pretty sad.
When we are little girls and we start out going to school we are all friends. I remember every single girl from grade school sleeping in my living room for my birthday. We could all get along, share our crayons, barrettes, and lip gloss. Some where around middle school things start to change. New and "exotic" people are introduced into our lives and the fragmenting begins, just a little bit at a time, very slowly. I know this happened in several of my relationships, the most predominant being me and TJ. She was my BFF from 5-middle school, by high school our relationship was crap. My fault, but none of this was boy related. Today we are Facebook friends, really nothing more nothing less. I still love her and would drop anything for her at a moments notice if she ever needed me.
Patsy was the control freak and a major code violator. It seems to me she was not happy unless she was imposing some form of control or misery upon some one. Back to direct girl code violations. I would say I really like that boy and the next thing I know her tongue is down his throat. I would meet some wonderful new friend of the opposite sex that I was intrigued with and "POOF" here comes Patsy. Pretty much I think this was just a fun activity for her, hurting people.
Me and Renee, I would be kind of curious to know how her life turned out. Her ex boyfriend who had this beautiful David Coverdale mane, and well he was just damn hot. He was so into me, so into my eyes, so into what I was thinking, but I couldn't. He was her ex and that would be breaking girl code. He goes in for that kiss-and damn it I wanted it. I wanted to take it and taste him and roll around on the hood of that car like Tawny Kitaen, but I said NO. I could not do that-Girl Code. When I took her to see one of my beautiful drummer boys who was one of my "special friends", which by Girl Code standards means back off, some how they ended up in bed, which I was invited-but I passed on that. I waited on the couch till they were done-MAJOR GIRL CODE VIOLATION! I didn't kiss Coverdale, C'mon!!! I could just keep going. The list is horribly long.
Dawn NEVER broke Girl Code and I never broke Girl Code with her. I love her, present and past tense and I am grateful to call her my friend. So what the hell is wrong with the rest of them? If we cannot respect and trust each other, who can we trust? If we can not be kind to each other, how do we think others are going to be kind to us? Where the hell does that leave us as a people? As a gender? People man bash all the time, the vagina does certainly not qualify us for Sainthood or even sisterhood apparently.
The last story I am going to share with you for now is probably the most hideous violation of Girl Code I have personally lived. Once upon a time this boy tried to put something in my mouth that I didn't want inside of me. Was I a victim? No...not because of him. I took care of business. I bit him, yes I bit that and drew blood. I was kind of a kick ass ninja back in the day. I turned that boy into the victim. I won. I made him bleed and I made him cry. Girl Code....three of my friends felt sorry for him, my girlfriends. One was "seeing" him. I was the bad guy? They actually tried to run me over one night in a car and tormented me for a very long time after. What he tried to do was considered rape. I defended myself with victory, and they were mad at me....something is pretty messed up with Girl Code. Perhaps the handbook needs to be revamped and reassigned.
Thank heavens for being a grown up! I have sisters, one of which is probably a little upset after reading this, you didn't need to know~you were too young. In the land of grown ups I have some really amazing friends. Tammy, Karen, Eileen, And my Dawn....just to name a few. A few really good friends is all you need. I could call any of these women at the drop of a hat and in a heart beat they would be by my side. All knowing how to follow Girl Code too : )
Love and Light!
I hear these kind of stories a lot. I guess I had such a nonexistant social life that there wasn't much for other girls to violate. Personally I don't understand this behavior, whether we're friends or not. But then that's me. Nice post Laura.
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ReplyDeleteI don't particularly understand the behavior myself. Perhaps Karen it wasn't a nonexistent social life, perhaps it was you simply had better sense in picking friends : )
ReplyDeleteSeveral things come to mind but I'll try to keep this short. I knew / know girls / women like this. I think it speaks to the level of confidence the girls had. The one who had to steal all your boyfriends - I think - she was probably trying to prove how mature she was when in reality she only ended up showing how damaged she was. Also middle school is when the hormones hit. I remember friends dumping me at that age - it hurt. I moved on and got rid of the friends who weren't friends. In life, we have to learn to be discerning - girls who behave as you have described were quickly and efficiently cut out of my life. This is why I have only a few close friends who I know would be there at a moment's notice. The problem most women have is that we don't ask. When I struggle with something I go inside myself to find the solution rather than confiding and trusting in others. Society, men, women's fault? Doubtful - mostly I think it is because it is how I'm built. I only share when I think it will help others. Often I think women are too willing to give a second chance to people who really don't deserve it. Learning that takes time and experience though - something most middle school girls don't have.
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ReplyDeleteYou are right learning this certainly takes time and experience, time and experience which I don't think we get till much later in life. Hopefully it is a quick lesson learned. What about those unhappy mean girls of today, still standing in the mean girl huddle? Has life been so miserable that they still have to live this way? Are they reliving the "glory days" of high school when our skin was tight and before are boobs met gravity? Or do you think they are just mean? I eventually disposed of all above mentioned "friends", disposed of not in that like where is the body hidden kind of way, but out of my life. But it took me a second to realize "wait is this really happening to me?" and "WHY?" I can't understand cruelty being a fun activity, as I know you don't either.
Sometimes we give our second chances, and third, and fourth because of history I guess. Sometimes it feels like you are letting go of a little wounded bird off to fend for themselves in the wild, but eventually we let our Karen's and Jennifer's go. Eventually we have to, otherwise the insanity that they bring into our lives becomes so consuming and chaotic.
It is just easier to go within yourself to try and find the answers with our struggles, it is much easier to carry the weight instead of having to trust. Hopefully in the mean time we don't implode.