One of those things I dance around is my Son's Father. He has been gone 10 years in November. We are not particularly close to his family, and believe me we have tried. He died in November the year my Son turned 5. The holidays were rough. The holidays continue to be tough. Johns was so enthusiastic about the holidays, he made the best stuffing ever. He loved picking a fresh tree out so the scent of pine would linger in the house. He loved all of the lights and decorating.
John was one of those special people who got to help Santa out, one of those wonderful people that dress up and fill in where needed. He was Santa for The Jaycees on several occasions, he was Santa in the Waukesha parade. His heart was filled with giving, year round.
With the amazing technology we call Face book I have come into contact with Jennifer. Johns good friends had two beautiful children named Jennifer and Erick. John loved those kids like they were his own. Jennifer would climb into his lap and just love on him, and he needed that. He didn't get much of that when he was growing up, unconditional love.
Often I get sad thinking about what he is missing, he should be here for our child, that is a no brainer. He would have become a Great Uncle this year, and his loss is being felt by his niece Sarah. I look at Jennifer and Erick, they are both grown, and married, and have babies! Jennifer has four beautiful girls, and I mean beautiful! John should be here! When John was preparing to die he started one of those Thomas Kincaid memory books for our Son. His favorite place and time was Christmas at Jennifer and Erick's house. He should be here.
I have had the opportunity to spend some time talking with Jennifer, who is missing her "Uncle" John and some other very important people she has lost. She told me how she hangs her Christmas ornament from him every year at the top of her tree, I am assuming it is one of the rose bells or balls we got together on our first Christmas, and this year I got out the tiny Christmas tree that was in his hospital room dusted it off and put it on display. It is covered with the remaining rose bells and balls we bought that first Christmas 25 years ago. They are becoming very old and tattered, maybe I should wrap them very carefully and retire them till my Son is old enough to have his own tree, but that is my Christmas gift from Jennifer. A gentle reminder from some one else who really loved him about trying to embrace his love and light during the holidays. John brought the joy and it is so wonderful having some one to share that with. Thank you Jennifer, you are loved!
Love and Light
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