I want to live not survive....

Greetings,

I read that today on one of my friends facebook pages, I want to LIVE not survive! AMEN!
I feel that deeply. I want to LIVE not just survive.

My last post was about my chaotic day, my choke at Chili's. Today Dean and I went out for lunch again. He offered to go any where, he offered Qdobas, and he hates going out for Mexican. I named off the places I had coupons for, and I said or we could go to Denny's ( I am trying to be slick).

First we have to go to Walgreen's. I need to go to the pharmacy. My copays have been really high, and I ask again, yes AGAIN, why? So this process is taking forever. I love the pharmacy techs!
I love Jenny. I love the girl who looks like Ashley Tisdale with brown hair. I love my Toni, you want something done right, you want a correct answer you need to see Toni! The pharmacist Drew, very nice guy...you do see this pattern of high praise right? So the pharmacy manager, we will just call her "That Woman" I am pretty sure she is evil, she has limited people skills(she talks down to EVERYONE), she is just plain rude. I try to be nice to her, I really do, but reality is I want to slap her down. So I am getting agitated, which leads me to anxious, anxious=anxiety. So it is now what time, oh yeah...high noon. Lunch time people. I chew two diazepam otherwise this just is not going to happen. Again Dean is being nice. Once upon a time I was a out to luch kind of gal. A nice lingering lunch with a co-worker at the Chinese buffet sipping my iced tea, breakfast at luch, it was one of my favorite things. Lunch and the book store, now we are talking. Well that was before when I was living, not surviving.

I picked George Webbs, if we followed the same pattern as the Chili's event I would at least be hurling up a much less expensive meal. Plus Dean likes Webbs and I wont ever go. It was busy, but we got seated right away. The server had pretty nails and sparkling blue eyes, maybe this won't be so bad. I didn't used to like Webbs but it really wasn't bad. I had a tasty inexpensive breakfast, and I didn't die or puke. I didn't play in my purse. I did play with the menu some, but over all it was do-able. Like I jokingly said I wanted to come back for dinner for a cheese steak, and he said we could if I really wanted to. I don't plan to, it is like 7 out. Love Wisconsin! Today was much better for me. I have never even been in that George Webb's before. I sat in a both by a window, maybe that helped.
I want to live not survive...

I also wanted to thank all of you that called me and messaged me after the Chili's incident. I felt a lot of love and support. Your kindness and understanding means so much to me.

My love to you all.
LIVE DON'T JUST SURVIVE!!!
Love and Light!