Saturday, March 21, 2015

And He Doesn’t Wear Cowboy Boots

And He Doesn’t Wear Cowboy Boots

Greetings,

     It is a beautiful Saturday and I have spent the last several weeks, perhaps months becoming slightly unglued. I just finished up my Criminal Behavior class-of course an A-very sad that it is over. I could spend forever studying the criminal mind. I wish I would have had the faith and dedication when I was younger that I have now. For many of my passions I am now “too old” which is the truth. Plain and simple truth. That is ok, life took me on this trip for a reason, and really most of which I would not change.
     
Today I was reminded of the courage it takes to get me out of the door. I don’t really think about it in those terms too often now, so I guess when I get the pat on the back from a stranger it is kind of nice. A reminder that I am not hiding on the floor because my landlord is outside. A reminder that I made it out of the house and to where I was going. It has been rough lately, sometimes I just want to curl up in a little ball. However sometimes I just push forward. I was supposed to meet Dawn on Thursday and I was having a crappy anxiety day, and instead of bailing, instead of cowering I texted her and said I will meet you downtown. Which I did. I just said I am going to do this and I faced the fear. The agoraphobia isn’t going to win (screw you “Yoda”).
    
 Today I went to meet a new Doctor in a different office I was pretty determined to hate him. I was pretty determined that this wasn’t going to be “the one” but much to my surprise I think he might just be ok. Before I met him when I was talking to the MA and she was getting my information, I was kind of interviewing her. How long have you worked for him? Do you enjoy working for him?-You get the picture. She loves him. Which when I called to make the appointment the desk is who swayed me in this direction. He walks into the room and starts asking me questions, which I answer. I start asking him questions, which he answers. Do you plan on moving any time in the near future? That was a no-his wife’s family lives in Brookfield (this means they are going NO WHERE). He is at least 10 years younger than myself, so he won’t be retiring any time in the near future. He seems to get my warped personality. He seems kind, and we laughed. I am pretty sure he won’t put up with my crap. This might just be the guy. My new “Primary”. After hearing my story he thanked me for making it to see him, which he understood that it took courage. It did.
    
 Sometimes we forget the amazing things that we handle each day. Sometimes we don’t see the obstacles we overcome. Sometimes it is so much easier to be focused on what we are not doing right. What our short comings are. For today just try and remember all of the greatness that you are and all that you have achieved.  Just for today, no beating yourself up. Just for today maybe give something or someone new a chance.
     
The man with the gentle smile and the cowboy boots can never be replaced, but I can certainly make room for someone new.

Open your mind and open your heart to new possibilities.
Love and Light-

Agoraphobia Gurl

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